All The Heart Desires
by TheShippyQueen
Summary: It's been four years and Anna is about to get everything her heart ever desired. I don't own these characters and there are no spoilers as far as I'm aware, there is however, some serious SNOGGAGE. :D


_A/N: As we near the UK airing of S2, speculation, rumours and spoilers are rife! Some of these spoilers almost broke my little shippy heart and therefore I had the urge to write something fluffy and sweet. As far as I'm aware, there are no spoilers within this story, just some major SNOGGAGE. :D Enjoy! xx_

**All The Heart Desires**

Anna was surprised to find herself standing at the train station as she heard the train pull in. Her feet seemed to have developed a life of their own as she made her way to the platform. In a daze, she stood and watched as the train huffed and puffed to a halt, great billows of steam surrounding the platform and her.

She looked around to see the multitude of women, all waiting for husbands, sons, fathers, brothers, to return home to them. She felt very out of place. Why was she even here? She wasn't greeting a husband, not even a lover…why, he wasn't even her friend! So why was she here?

"Anna?"

The voice cut through the noise in her head and for a moment the world stopped. Through the clearing steam she saw him, bag in one hand, cane in the other. She saw his expression, saw how he seemed incredulous to see her.

She felt panic rising as she realised there was no escape, he had seen her and he was moving right towards her. She felt the colour rising in her cheeks, betraying her embarrassment to the watching world.

"Mr Bates." The words came out unsteadily. "I…"

He was upon her now, standing close, his expression soft and searching. She awkwardly met his gaze and for a brief moment drowned in the depth of his expression, it had been so long since he had looked at her like that. She let her eyes drop to floor, as if not looking at him would protect her from his scrutiny.

"It's so good to see you."

She lifted her eyes to meet his once more and saw everything she had been looking and waiting for. She saw yearning, love, passion, regret… all mixed together in a palette of black. He took a step closer and dropped his bag to the floor.

"I'm a free man, Anna."

The words came out of his mouth like a sigh, a breath of fresh air releasing them both from the past. The frown scampered lightly across her face, wondering, what was she expected to say to that? What did he want from her? Why did he still have to torment her with riddles? She let her gaze fall back to the floor, she should say something, answer him in some way but it seemed the steam from the train had fogged over her mind and coherent thought was lost in a whirl of the past.

"Anna..?"

One hand softly grazed the side of her face, fingers sliding into her hair, his thumb softly caressing her cheek and she closed her eyes briefly to the warmth of his touch wondering if this was all a dream, if she was about to wake up and find herself back in her room at Downton.

"Anna..?" The sound of his voice saying her name was real enough, the warmth of his touch too good to be a dream and her heart leapt within the confines of her chest.

She opened her eyes to meet his again and was sure she must have stopped breathing. The look in his eyes was so intense that she could do little else but gaze back. She sensed, rather than saw him move closer, she found herself being drawn in towards him. Felt his free hand slide around her waist, pulling her close to him.

This had certainly not been part of her plan; never had she imagined she would find herself leaning in towards him on the platform station. So many questions lingered in the back of her mind and yet, circumstance dictated that they remain in the shadows, she was about to get everything her heart ever desired.

His hand against her face kept her steady and he leaned down, tilting his head slightly as he did so. Eyes fluttered closed as his mouth finally found hers and years of longing and pain were finally chased away.

She was shy and tentative, unsure of how to respond, but his touch was so gentle, and so deliciously sweet, that shyness quickly dissolved. Uncertain of each other at first, it was a mere ghost of a kiss, his lips grazing lightly against hers and as he pulled back, ever so slightly, Anna wondered if she had imagined they had touched at all. But, this soft, glancing kiss was enough to ignite into a deeper, more certain kiss. He caught her lips with his once again, first her top lip, then the bottom, a long, slow kiss that not only explored but taught her what she needed to know. Again, it was only brief, a tentative introduction to a new relationship and to her dismay she felt him pulling away, though his hand still remained on her face, possessing her.

The sudden loneliness her mouth felt as his departed made her eyes open and she found him studying her, his expression dark and desirous, she felt she should say something but all sensible thoughts had long since packed up and left the platform.

"I've missed you," he murmured, eyes closing again as he leaned in for another kiss.

Any power of speech she may have possessed was silenced by his mouth meeting hers again and she chose instead to lose herself to the moment. His mouth against hers was intoxicating enough, but the warmth emanating from him, mixed with his scent and the smell of the station, made every sense in her body explode and she released a soft moan of pleasure at the experience.

Her moan was taken as encouragement and his arm, around her waist, pulled her closer. Her hands, that had dangled idly by her side for long enough, began to move and she snaked them around his neck, grateful that they were now providing her with that much needed support of remaining standing. His hand on her face slid down and ever so slightly grazed her breast as it joined its partner around her waist and she leaned against him instinctively as his hands moved a little lower, pulling her hips against his.

The touch of his hands on her lower back sent tingles along her spine and every nerve in her body seemed to shudder and tremble with every caress of his lips against hers. Uncertainty was evolving into certainty and once unfamiliar sensations were now becoming familiar and Anna yielded further to his kiss, her mouth opening slightly beneath his, inviting him in.

He needed little encouragement and soon his tongue was introducing itself to hers, offering her a taste of him. The sensation made her fingers clench around his neck and she felt him pull her close again, allowing her to feel him beneath the layers of clothing. She moaned again, the noise almost animalistic as it tried to escape beneath their entangled mouths. Her hands softly caressed his neck as she felt him begin to slow down the kiss. Neither wanted the moment to end but with a few gentle caresses, he caught her bottom lip one last time before pulling softly away.

He rested his forehead against hers and breathlessly she opened her eyes to meet his gaze. They remained silent, both trying to steady their breathing, tasting each other's breath as it pooled between their panting mouths.

Anna's mind was a blur of confusion and excitement. Every fantasy she had ever had had just been completely destroyed and replaced with a far greater reality. His gaze was still intense and she felt herself flushing lightly, a soft, shy smile spreading across her tingling lips. She opened her mouth to say something but her befuddled mind could think of nothing sensible to say.

He sensed her confusion and smiled softly at her, his grip upon her waist loosening slightly though he made no attempt to move away from her.

"I….," Anna began, her voice finally finding its way out of her mouth. "I….don't understand."

He chuckled softly, her confusion providing him with amusement. He lightly kissed her nose before ducking his head in embarrassment. "Perhaps I should have explained a little before pouncing on you like that!"

Anna was still confused though she smiled at his words; she gave a little shake of her head, "But…"

"I love you, Anna," he said simply, a smile lighting his face as he voiced the words she'd longed to hear. "I love you."

"But… it's been four years!" Anna finally exclaimed. She was so confused by the events of the last few minutes that she could barely comprehend the words he was saying, no matter how much they made her stomach flip over.

His smile died on his lips and he dropped his eyes, remorse and regret flooding every feature. "I know," he gave a disheartened sigh, "I have no right…."

Her finger flew to his lips to silence him, "That's not what I meant," she whispered, encouraging him to meet her eyes once more. As he did, she smiled softly, "I meant… why now? After all this time? Why do you tell me now?"

His expression turned to relief as she spoke and he returned her smile, his hands instinctively tightening around her once more, "Because I'm free," he answered simply.

She frowned lightly, "And you couldn't tell me this before?"

He gave a soft shake of his head, his eyes leaving hers and this time he stepped back, releasing his hold on her. He reached for her hands and held them in his as he thought, finally, he spoke, "It wouldn't have been right, Anna. I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want to make promises I wouldn't be able to keep."

"But… four years!"

"I know," he nodded sadly; "I've been a fool."

"Four years without a letter, without seeing you, nothing!" Her words rushed out, spilling all over the previous minutes, tainting them with the past. "Why?"

"I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you did."

Her honest words hung there in the space between them like an unpleasant smell and he gazed at her, a repentant look on face.

"That was never my intention."

"Maybe. But you did," she whispered, memories of the pain from the last four years flooding back. The way he'd left her, without so much as a backward glance, the platonic farewell on the drive, crying herself to sleep each night, waiting for a letter that never arrived, hoping he would return on leave, the sadness and pain when he didn't. It all came back and lodged itself firmly as a painful lump in the back of her throat. Swallowing hard she managed to say, "I thought you didn't care for me."

He stepped closer to her, his own distress clear across his face. "Anna, I care for you, I've always cared for you. I loved you, even back then when I couldn't tell you, I loved you."

"But you never even wrote."

"Neither did you!" he chuckled softly, desperate to lighten the darkening mood. She felt his fingers against her chin, tilting her head to look at him. "I'm sorry; I made a mess of things, I keep making a mess of things. But I'm trying to put it right."

"Why… why didn't you come back? With his lordship? Why didn't you want to see me?" she asked.

"I did want to see you… more than you'll ever know. But… it didn't seem right, I thought you would have moved on from me, forgotten me, like you should have done."

"You should know me better than that," she replied, smiling lightly at him. The smile faded only to be replaced with a light frown, "Why didn't you come back?"

"I've been in London-" he began.

"I know, visiting your mum…"

She knew all too well his excuses. She'd heard them often enough from Mr Carson whenever Lord Grantham was due home. He would always end the little announcement by saying that on this occasion, Mr Bates would be remaining in London to visit his elderly mother and would meet up with Lord Grantham once their leave was over. Every single time, she'd raise her hopes only to have them dashed again. His aversion to returning to Downton seemed clear and the reason even clearer. He wanted to avoid her, or so she had thought.

Let me finish, please?" he asked, smiling softly, "I've been in London, staying with my mother, yes, but I've been trying to find my wife. Trying to get a divorce. It's taken me a long time and cost me a lot of money… but I've done it. I'm free of her, it came through a few weeks ago, I've been in London finalising everything. That's why I've not been here."

"So… you're divorced?" Anna's mind was trying hard to keep up, but everything seemed so confused, she was sure she must be dreaming.

"Yes, Lord Grantham was kind enough to give me time during our leave to sort things out. I only had a few weeks each year in which to do it, so, that's why I didn't come back to Downton," he said, squeezing her hands tightly, "not because I didn't want to see you."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't want to get your hopes up… get my hopes up. I wasn't sure I could be free for you but I was determined to try."

"You could have told me. _Should_ have told me."

"I should have done…" he agreed with a sigh. "I didn't want to hold you back."

"Don't make decisions for me," Anna said reproachfully. "And if you do, at least tell me first!"

They stood in silence observing each other carefully. So many things remained unsaid, so many explanations yet to be voiced but somewhere amongst all the years and heartache a glimmer of hope was shining and Anna could see it, it was almost within her reach. She could have everything she'd ever wanted; all she had to do was grab it.

"I've missed you so much," she admitted at last, stepping into his arms. He released her hands and wrapped his arms around her, burying his face into her hair, mumbling endearments as he pressed kisses into her hair, her temple and onto her neck.

"I love you," he murmured, his hand cupping her face gently and guiding her back onto his lips for a soft kiss. "I love you," he repeated, punctuating it with another kiss. "I love you."

He continued to pour kiss after kiss upon her lips and she responded to each one, each kiss chasing away the sadness and leaving only hope and happiness in its wake.

"Can you forgive me?" he asked cautiously, pulling back to watch her face.

She thought for a moment and smiled, her face lightening, the frown lines disappearing, "There's nothing to forgive. It's forgotten now."

He matched her smile and kissed her once more, "I promise, I won't ever be a fool again." He softly turned his attentions to her chin, her cheek and down onto her neck, making her sigh with happiness.

"Promise me you won't ever leave." The words finally voicing the last lingering fear she had.

He pulled back and gazed at her, his dark eyes fixed on hers and he answered her firmly, "My darling, I'm not going anywhere ever again unless you are at my side." He kissed her nose, "I promise."

She smiled so widely she feared her face would split in two and was glad when he captured her lips with his once more in a happy, loving kiss. They remained this way, kissing lightly, noses rubbing until he pulled back once more, a bemused expression on his face.

"Why were you here anyway?"

Anna coloured at the question and demurely looked away before answering.

"Mr Carson said you were coming home. I had to see you, had to know."

"And do you?" he asked softly, eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Know that I still love you? Know that you love me? Know that you're sorry? Know that you're free?" Anna smiled widely again and nodded. "I know."

"And you still want me?" he asked, his voice betraying his uncertainty.

Anna laughed, with freedom and happiness, "Of course I do…silly man!"

He returned her smile, relief flooding his features, "And you love me?"

"You know I do."

"Say it."

Anna sighed theatrically and wrapped her arms around his neck, languishing in the feel of being pressed against him in such a wanton way, "I love you."

He dipped his head, his mouth opening softly as his lips approached hers and this time their lips met as old friends. She tilted her head, her tongue met his and for a few moments they were lost to another deep and unyielding kiss. Between the haze of happiness and the tingling within her lips, Anna suddenly became fully aware of their current location and pulled away, though he was reluctant to let her do so.

"John, people are looking," she mumbled, colouring at the thought of who may have been watching.

He glanced around at the now empty platform and grinned, "No they're not, and I don't care." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, "And, call me John more often, I like it."

She grinned at his playful tone and sighed happily as he leaned in again. Her head was swimming with the developments of the day, her mind was churning with everything and she knew, there was still a lot to discuss, but for now, on the station platform, Anna lost herself entirely to John Bates.


End file.
